Quite Frankly

It's hard to be honest these days. Most of the time it's downright impossible. We lie to people we don't want to offend. We lie to our friends because we don't want to hurt their feelings. We lie to our bosses and co-workers because it makes our jobs easier. We even lie to total strangers because lying takes less effort than telling the truth. Honesty is hard work.

We don't tell the truth because it's more convenient not to. Like the time I told a co-worker I couldn't go to his party because I had to work overtime when the real reason was I was just too lazy to go and preferred to watch TV at home. Had I told him the truth that I was lazy, he probably would have taken offense. So the lie did save some potential hurt feelings. Other times I just tell the truth, that I'm too lazy to go to parties, and this can work to your disadvantage. This is only the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes a lie can save a job, or prevents making enemies. Falsehood also saves a lot of time. You give a good convincing (untruthful) excuse and that's usually the end of the conversation. But if you tell the truth, you will be asked to explain and justify yourself. That's why it takes a very brave and confident person to tell the truth when a lot is at stake.

When do you draw the line between lying and telling the truth? Do you tell the truth only when it doesn't matter much and lie when it gives you the most advantage? Or do you stubbornly insist on always being honest, taking the right path, even if you know you will get into trouble for it as usually happens.

One of my favorite sports analysts, Stephen A. Smith of ESPN has his own show - Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith. The theme of the show is no-nonsense, 'tell it like it is even when it hurts' interviews and commentary. I love that guy. He said on Letterman once that every time he speaks in public, he thinks to himself, "Am I telling people the truth". Another great guy is Charles Barkley of TNT. Barkley is an accomplished NBA player, future hall of famer, so he isn't afraid of speaking his own mind. One time after an extremely tedious and long basketball game televised on the network that pays his salary, Barkley said it was the most boring game he ever watched, and that the only reason he stuck around until the final buzzer was because they were paying him to watch it. Talk about being brutally honest.

Bestselling author and widely renowned motivational speaker Robert Ringer wrote in his book Million Dollar Habits that one of greatest success secret is being honest both with yourself and with others. This is a very difficult trait to practice. To achieve true honesty, you have to know yourself for what you truly are, to be self-aware of your strengths, weaknesses and idiosyncracies and avoid any delusions. What you project to the world should be the real person that is inside of you, not a manufactured persona tailored to other people's expectations of what you should be. We all have delusions of what we want to be and consciously or subconsciously project this false personality to others whom we want to impress. Projecting this false persona takes a lot of time and effort that could be better put elsewhere.

Ringer also advocates practicing morality, 'fairness', avoiding deception in dealing with others. He once had to turn down a major deal worth a substantial sum of money because there was some deception involved. Now that's a tough man, I wish I could be more like him. Frequently we take the path of least resistance. We tell fibs, deal in deception even when the stakes are low. We lie because it's easier than telling the truth. You can see where this is going. Telling the truth, being honest becomes the exception rather than the norm.

What do we gain by practicing honesty? How do we benefit when we project ourselves as we truly are? I sincerely believe that honesty is the best way to go and will lead you to success. There is something emotionally and physically liberating by telling the truth even when it hurts you. Never underestimate the power of having peace of mind - it is one of the seeds to achieving true happiness. Honesty and success go hand in hand.