Success 101

On this same day six years ago, I was in a car with a group of friends talking about random stuff when out of the blue one of the guys asked us the question "What is success?" He had apparently been thinking about his life and career and probably had a bit of an early mid life crisis. Perhaps he had been troubled by something going on in his life and he wanted our opinion on what we thought about this thing called 'success'.

This turned into a long debate with each guy declaring his own definition of success. I remember I didn't even have an answer at that time. I hadn't gave it much thought. But I vaguely remember that each person defined 'success' differently based on their personal values and belief system. The answers varied from money to fame to family.

Today, six years after the event, I can safely say I have my own personal definition of success which I will reveal at the end of this article. Before that I will review each of the common 'success' definitions that exist. Though I believe them to be inaccurate and detached from reality, there's probably nothing wrong with believing in them as long as it makes you happy.

The problem is, most of us go through life having the definition of success dictated to us by our friends, family, and society. We hesitatingly go for the ride thinking that by achieving 'success' we will be happy. Then realize later on that it was a dead end, all along being deceived that its pursuit was a worthwhile activity.

What is success? Here is Definition #1:

Success = Money, Possessions, Power

It follows that the higher the income, the bigger the house, the better the car, the more successful the individual is. If you have money you also ultimately have more power. People treat you better, with more respect. Your self-worth gets tied up in your net worth. Money and possessions becomes an end to itself. You spend all your time acquiring money, building that bigger house, getting that next raise. And people shake your hand and congratulating you for making it, achieving the dream. And of course you spend all your prime time being busy earning money that you're too tired when you get home and just plop down, watch some TV, eat dinner, sleep, get up the following day. The cycle repeats itself until death.


Definition #2 is related to the first one, though slightly different:

Success = Prestige, Accomplishments, Position

Everyone wants to be a somebody. We want to be known as an 'achiever'. A highly motivated individual who has accomplished a lot of things in life. We want to get promoted, climb the ladder of success. Eventually manage and lead other people. Who wants to be a 50-year old office clerk at the bottom rung of the corporate ladder? We want to go to our class reunions and boast to our former classmates about our achievements. We embellish our company titles to make them sound nicer and more prestigious. Our image is important. Without it we are a failure and who wants to be known as a failure?


Definition #3 is one I see often from my married and engaged friends:

Success = Family, Stability, Descendants

I have a confession to make. I am 32 years old and still unmarried. Not even in a relationship. It's very humiliating everytime someone (usually a married person or one who's in a committed relationship) asks me "So are you married yet? No? Why not, how old are you already? Aren't you afraid of running out of time?"

Marriage and family are very important to success it seems. First of all, you need the wife and kids because to grow old alone is synonymous with being a loser and a failure. Worst of all, you could grow old and sick and end up in a retirement home. No one wants that. Many of us are looking for some stability in life. A spouse to grow old with, and kids and grandkids that you can watch grow up. For them, having a family of your own is the biggest success.


Definition #4 is gaining in popularity with today's yuppie generation:

Success = Pleasure, Possessions, Experiences

Forget the rest, we all know that success comes in the form of getting the most pleasure out of life. Enjoy today for we don't know where we will be tomorrow anyway. Plus, we want to have a lot of fun memories to look back to when we get old. We want the latest toys available today. Let's just keep consuming, go to those wild vacations whether we enjoy them or not. He who dies with the most accumulated pleasurable experiences wins. The one with the most toys is judged the most successful.


Definition #5 exists because of the human ego:

Success = Desirability, Popularity, Attractiveness

Also known as 'most popular wins'. Narcissism prevails. The more cliques we belong to, the more organizations that accept us, and the more people that are turned on by our face and body, the better. We spend all our time impressing other people, convincing them to like us, which in turn will make us more successful.


Personally, I've seen them all, all the definitions and illusions of success. I even went through some of them, believing them to be true one time or another in my life. I've had these definitions of success imposed on me by what I see on TV, or in the office, or what friends and acquaintances would tell me. Each object offering its narrow point of view of success. I've seen the anguish on other people's faces when they buy into these false images of success and realize that they don't have them. I too have felt myself I haven't lived up to these success images.


Taking all of these into perspective, there is really only one basic definition of success that supersedes every other definition. And this is the success definition that I believe in today:

Success = Time

Think about it. We only have a finite time to live. Assuming I have fifty more years to live, that gives me 438,000 more hours left in this world. Doesn't sound like much does it? It makes me more concerned with how I plan to use up those hours. I definitely don't want to waste them.

Now I don't want to use up those precious hours trying to accumulate more money that I need to live by. Or waste them climbing up that invisible ladder of prestige and accomplishment. Or spending time on frivolous hedonistic activities that gets tiring fast. And I shudder at the thought of using up the time working extra hours in the office.

I want to use my time wisely, on stuff I actually care about. What is the most important thing for you today? Why are you not spending time on it? Why do you spend so much time and effort being busy with items you don't really care about. That you go to work everyday, get home too tired for anything else and end up watching TV, eat, sleep, repeat until death.

The successful person is the person who has the most time for himself, the one with the most free time. It is that guy who spends the most amount of time doing the things that are most important to him. The guy whose work also happens to be his 'hobby'. The guy who always has time to do what is necessary and is never too tired to do what he enjoys doing. I want to be like that guy.