Dangerous People

The most kind, well-meaning people are also the most dangerous. A couple of years ago, I was trying to establish a healthy diet by religiously eating at least five helpings of fruits and veggies a day. Every morning at work, I would eat an apple or banana. My officemates on the other hand, would pass around a pack of artery-clogging chicharon (pork rinds). It took some discipline for me to say no thank you, every time I was offered some pork rinds. Yes it tasted good, but my current obsession at the time was following my health regimen, so actually it was quite easy to say no.

Though I did get the occasional praise for sticking to my diet (I was getting tired of hearing the line “an apple a day”), to my surprise, I also heard comments like “Come on man, have some chicharon, it can’t hurt you.” And more surprising, “That apple can’t be good for your digestive system in the morning.” Then they proceeded to explain to me how fruits are bad for the stomach when eaten early in the morning. What a bizarre world I thought, where pork rinds were good for you, and fruits were not. And those who gave the strange advice were entirely thoughtful and well-meaning.

Fortunately, I did my homework and researched how certain foods were good for you, and how some are certainly not good for you. Without this knowledge, I would have been easily influenced by the pork rind crowd. My point is that sometimes the conventional wisdom isn’t that conventional. The most dangerous people are those influential, kind and well-meaning folks that you want to believe in. And this very nature makes them more dangerous than wild animals. It helps to be aware of them.

Here’s a list of the most dangerous people out there. You don’t necessarily have to avoid them. Just be aware that they exist and handle them with kid gloves.

Experts

These are people who appear to have got it made. They may have money, power, influence. Or they may act very knowledgeable on certain subjects. I bet a lot of them actually think they are knowledgeable - experts in their fields. The danger is when they give ‘helpful advice’ that you believe and act upon. Whenever I talk to a self-acknowledged expert, I listen to what he says, but I always do my own research to verify if his ideas are sound. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Don’t rely on only one source of information. Don’t read only one book on the subject. Read and listen to a variety of experts, then make your own decision.

Peer Pressurists

There’s a class of individuals whom I term peer pressurists, meaning those who always go along with the crowd and the new ‘in thing’. There’s something about human nature that makes us want to conform. Sometimes we’ll be perfectly happy doing something different, something that goes against the norms of society. We may even be deriving some personal happiness and success in it. Yet, there’s always that man or woman who reminds us that “Hey, everyone else is doing this, shouldn’t you too?” These are well-meaning people that tell you that everyone should be working in an office, have life insurance, and married with kids by age 30. If not, there could be something wrong with you.

My favorite pet peeve are the people who like to impose their brand of music or pop culture on you. Everyone has to like what everyone else likes, listen to what everybody else listens to, and dress in the current style. When this occurs, you either have to call their bullshit or pretend that you’re going along with it, and just go ahead and do your own thing.

Neutral People

Dante sums this up pretty well: “The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of greatest moral crises maintain their neutrality.” Some of the most dangerous people out there are steadfast in staying neutral, not taking sides no matter what. These are going to be the first people to backstab you when times get tough. You need to handle them at arms length or avoid them entirely.

I’ve had many experiences where the conflict of the situation dictates that one side is right, and the other wrong. For instance, at work sometimes you need to make difficult decisions that will greatly affect the course of the future. Which architecture should we go with? Which person do we want to implement this feature? There are risks with making hard decisions. The good ones work hard to decide what is best, make up their minds, and choose a course of action. The lousy ones always stay neutral, never taking a stand. These are the people who, in times of your greatest need, when you ask them for help, they still stay neutral. Very dangerous if you ask me.

Energy Drainers

Have you ever worked or talked to someone for a prolonged period, and just felt so weary and tired after the session? I always wondered why certain people make me feel better after talking to them, while others make me feel worse. It’s as if they are harbingers of negative energy, sucking the life out of the unlucky people they come across.

I am actually sympathetic to energy drainers who feel their life is hopeless and prefer drowning in misery rather than making the difficult choices to escape the negative state. I want to help them feel better, solve their problems, but oftentimes it takes its toll, and I get drawn into the same energy draining state. I once had an energy draining friend tell me, “I can do all the things you tell me to get out of my situation, but it’s too much work.” The dangerous thing is that the negative energy becomes contagious and can drag you down if you’re not careful. If you know a way to reverse the energy drain process, I’d be interested to know.

Competitive People

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes competition is good. When they inspire you to accomplish more and improve yourself. What I find dangerous are people who like to compete merely to one-up you. These are people who will sing your praises, act like they love you, but will also be the first to cheer when you suffer defeat. One skill is distinguishing between good and bad competition, as well as good and bad competitors. For instance, I always get a bit uncomfortable when someone knows too much about my past successes and failures, when they are keeping tabs too closely. Sometimes I do experiments to check whether they are self-motivated, or if they are merely motivated by keeping up with their peers. For instance, I ‘accidentally’ reveal personal weaknesses for them to discover and take advantage of. Or I would throw them off course by blurting out my plans for the future, and see if it affects what they do. The best thing of course would be to just ignore the whole thing, focus on achieving something that matters most to you, and minimizing the effects of dangerous competitors.

Guilt Trippers

I find this to be the most difficult dangerous people trait to detect. Guilt Trippers knowingly or unknowingly prey on your emotions. They will harness the power of guilt to get you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. For instance, those with spurned relationships will use guilt to get back together: “He hasn’t been eating and sleeping ever since you left him.” Or kids use this against their parents “Because you didn’t buy me those new Nikes our team lost the basketball game” When this happens, you need to be aware that this is some sort of passive-aggressive behavior intended to manipulate you into doing something that is against your own self-interest.

It is tricky to deal with because if you don’t appear sympathetic, you will be labeled as the cold, unfeeling, bad guy. But there are times where for your own good, and for the good of the guilt tripper, you just have to be the bad guy and call guilt for what it is – the most useless emotion.

Authority Figures

I believe the people who do the most damage are the authority figures that we are conditioned to follow and believe in. For example, my parents are very well-meaning and have taught me a lot of good things. But they have also taught me a lot of wrong things, things I accepted as solid truth when I was a kid, only to realize later that they were not either obsolete or just wrong.

A lot of people listen and follow their parish priests, teachers, bosses, CEOs, Donald Trump, The Dalai Lama, etc. We respect them and don’t believe they could ever make a mistake since they are a bastion of wisdom. Let me break your bubble. Many times they are wrong. Or they could be right for the majority of the population, but not right for you. The most dangerous thing is blindly accepting these authority figures. Being too lazy to verify and do your own research.

Now for some good news. There’s a wealth of information out there that you can use to your advantage – the internet, books, radio. They are your defense so you don’t get misled by these dangerous people. By becoming more aware, and becoming more knowledgeable, you can more easily tune out the bad stuff, and tune in to the good stuff.