The Old Man and the Cup

This incident happened many years ago.

On a busy sidewalk street, during a scorching hot, humid day, commuters and shoppers walked by an old beggar. The old man was crouched under the hot sun at his usual spot. He held a tin cup with which people can drop coins into, but very few did. If he had enough coins he would be able to buy some bread or noodles. The old man had deformed legs and feet, the result of a birth defect that left him unable to walk. He would get around by dragging his waist and legs over the hard pavement, looking for scraps of food or spare change from anyone who would pass by.

Suddenly there was a commotion - a loud startling sound. The clanking of coins and metal could be heard. The old man's tin cup lay on the ground tipped over, with the small amount of coins that used to be in the cup scattered on the sidewalk. The old beggar had thrown his cup to the ground and had a pained expression on his face, grimaced and anguish at the same time. I guess a walking bystander inadvertedly kicked or stepped on his leg, which was painful. The day was extremely hot and the old man was hungry, probably been hungry for days. So the beggar tossed his tin cup in a fit of rage. Life had not treated him too good. Being born unable to walk. Hot, hungry, looked down upon, and having no one else to turn to. And I think it was at that moment that he felt was the last straw, where he gave up. He had had enough of a life that was so cruel to him.

That vision still sticks with me up to this day.

I did eventually go back to that busy sidewalk. But the old beggar was no longer there.

Don't Make Me Think Vol. 1 - 'The Pope'

Some people don't want to think, it's too tiring, too much work.

I was chatting with some guys the other day. I remarked that this year would be the first Christmas Mass of the new Pope. Is Pope Benedict good or bad? He seems quite traditional unlike his predecessor. And I kinda miss the old guy. He had that special connection to young people and non-catholics. John Paul II was probably the most free thinking Pope the Vatican has ever had. How did he even get elected in the first place? Why would a congregation of traditional institutional Cardinals in the Vatican elect him in 1978?

Actually I was just wondering out loud. I didn't really expect an answer.

What was unexpected was the reaction of the guys around me. One of them said "rob, why do you even ask us questions like that? We can't get into the mind of the cardinals. These are hard questions."

Then silence.

Don't make me think. It's too much work.

Merry Christmas.

Quite Frankly

It's hard to be honest these days. Most of the time it's downright impossible. We lie to people we don't want to offend. We lie to our friends because we don't want to hurt their feelings. We lie to our bosses and co-workers because it makes our jobs easier. We even lie to total strangers because lying takes less effort than telling the truth. Honesty is hard work.

We don't tell the truth because it's more convenient not to. Like the time I told a co-worker I couldn't go to his party because I had to work overtime when the real reason was I was just too lazy to go and preferred to watch TV at home. Had I told him the truth that I was lazy, he probably would have taken offense. So the lie did save some potential hurt feelings. Other times I just tell the truth, that I'm too lazy to go to parties, and this can work to your disadvantage. This is only the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes a lie can save a job, or prevents making enemies. Falsehood also saves a lot of time. You give a good convincing (untruthful) excuse and that's usually the end of the conversation. But if you tell the truth, you will be asked to explain and justify yourself. That's why it takes a very brave and confident person to tell the truth when a lot is at stake.

When do you draw the line between lying and telling the truth? Do you tell the truth only when it doesn't matter much and lie when it gives you the most advantage? Or do you stubbornly insist on always being honest, taking the right path, even if you know you will get into trouble for it as usually happens.

One of my favorite sports analysts, Stephen A. Smith of ESPN has his own show - Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith. The theme of the show is no-nonsense, 'tell it like it is even when it hurts' interviews and commentary. I love that guy. He said on Letterman once that every time he speaks in public, he thinks to himself, "Am I telling people the truth". Another great guy is Charles Barkley of TNT. Barkley is an accomplished NBA player, future hall of famer, so he isn't afraid of speaking his own mind. One time after an extremely tedious and long basketball game televised on the network that pays his salary, Barkley said it was the most boring game he ever watched, and that the only reason he stuck around until the final buzzer was because they were paying him to watch it. Talk about being brutally honest.

Bestselling author and widely renowned motivational speaker Robert Ringer wrote in his book Million Dollar Habits that one of greatest success secret is being honest both with yourself and with others. This is a very difficult trait to practice. To achieve true honesty, you have to know yourself for what you truly are, to be self-aware of your strengths, weaknesses and idiosyncracies and avoid any delusions. What you project to the world should be the real person that is inside of you, not a manufactured persona tailored to other people's expectations of what you should be. We all have delusions of what we want to be and consciously or subconsciously project this false personality to others whom we want to impress. Projecting this false persona takes a lot of time and effort that could be better put elsewhere.

Ringer also advocates practicing morality, 'fairness', avoiding deception in dealing with others. He once had to turn down a major deal worth a substantial sum of money because there was some deception involved. Now that's a tough man, I wish I could be more like him. Frequently we take the path of least resistance. We tell fibs, deal in deception even when the stakes are low. We lie because it's easier than telling the truth. You can see where this is going. Telling the truth, being honest becomes the exception rather than the norm.

What do we gain by practicing honesty? How do we benefit when we project ourselves as we truly are? I sincerely believe that honesty is the best way to go and will lead you to success. There is something emotionally and physically liberating by telling the truth even when it hurts you. Never underestimate the power of having peace of mind - it is one of the seeds to achieving true happiness. Honesty and success go hand in hand.

What's Wrong With Email Anyway?

Nobody writes personal emails anymore. When was the last time you received an intimate email from a friend or acquaintance? When was the last time you wrote one yourself?

These days, most email we receive are forwarded messages. They're either jokes, pictures, links to videos or chain letters. Seems to be no one has the time to write real messages. We hardly even have time to read them when we get 'em. We've become a jaded society that's too busy to communicate. We resort to sending one liners through Instant Messenger (IM) programs. Some even go invisible in these IM chat software so they won't be seen as online and won't be disturbed.

I remember the first time I went online on the internet. I was ecstatic. It was slow. I was on dial-up. Man those modems were noisy. Homepages still used those clumsy animated gifs and were always 'under construction' (with the animated construction gif of course). The first thing I did was email all my friends. I essentially wrote to everyone I knew who had an email address. Some replied. I always excitedly wrote back. I emailed individual Christmas and New Year messages. I wrote my friends when I had a problem. I shared my secrets, and hopes, and pain. We talked like human beings. All of this through the wonders of email. Life was good.

Then along the way something went wrong. We tired of sending emails. We boasted that we got bombarded with too much emails. Sorry too busy to reply. Too busy to write. Worse, some unscrupulous sites started sending out spam. These malicious messages had links to viruses and bad sites. We became wary of email. We started avoiding them. They were left unread, unwritten. The magic was gone.

It became out of fashion to write personal messages via email. Who has the time to write them? Who has the time to communicate? And if you're one of the few who still send hand typed messages, you've probably got too much time on your hands. Shame on you, don't you have more important things to do?

I am guilty of this myself. The few times I would actually get a personal email I would let it lapse. Days, sometimes weeks would go by without my answering them. I was too "busy" to do what was really important.

It's time to bring back the glory of email. Go back to the time you first went online - when you actually wrote stuff from the heart. My promise to you is I will make time to do the important personal stuff. I will not let personal emails lapse without a thoughtful and caring reply. And most importantly take the time to write new ones. Take care and keep writing.