Happiness 101

(This will be a multi-parter on the topic concerning the happiness state of mind. These reflect my thoughts on the subject as I continue to learn more about life. Feel free to comment.)


Back when I was a kid, I didn't really think in terms of happy or sad. I can safely say I was neither happy nor sad. I mean, I would cry because I wanted ice cream, or because I wet the bed, or something like that. But that wasn't really sadness, just discomfort.

I don't think I was happy either. I remember the first time I went to a fancy restaurant during the family reunion. I guess I might have been happy, but perhaps I was really just excited at the prospect of experiencing something new for the first time. Ah, I guess I was happy during Christmas, all kids are. But then again maybe it was just excitement - the thrill of encountering something new and rare.

Come to think of it, I probably was pretty depressed. I hated not being in control of the situation, being told what to do by teachers and other grownups. I remember the dread of the last day of summer and the prospect of going back to school. I hated that feeling, I guess it made me sad.

As we grow older, we become more aware of our own emotional state. We grasp more firmly what happiness and unhappiness is. So when we lose a friend, or when we disappoint our parents, we become more unhappy - and also more aware of it. When we get accepted by our peers or when we know summer vacation is next week, we become more happy - and we also realize that we are happy.

As we grow even older, we get paranoid at the prospect of unhappiness. We fear a lot of stuff that can happen that will make us sad. We may lose a job, or be separated from a friend, or end up alone and lonely. There are so many things that can make us unhappy and we consciously try to avoid them.

I've gone around asking different people what it is that will make them happy. What it is they really want to do in life. And here's the surprise, we know what will make us unhappy, but we really don't know what will make us happy.

For instance, one person said buying his own house and lot will make him happy. I quizzed him further, "how will that make you happy?" Then he said "Well, having a house and lot means that I've accomplished something in my life."

Then I asked him "OK so say you do have the house and lot in your possesion, then what?" And the question drew a blank stare. He didn't know what to do. The truth is he really had no idea what it took for him to be happy. You've got your house, you made your accomplishments, now what, junior?

Some of you may be thinking, OK wise guy, you seem to know all the answers, what does it take to make you happy?

So I don't know, myself. In fact you won't know what makes you happy because there really is no such thing as happiness. Happiness is an utopian goal that doesn't exist, a made up fairy tale that is passed on from generation to generation. You couldn't be happy even if you tried.

So what do you aim for? Personally, I like Guy Kawasaki's tip in his "Hindsight" commencement address to Palo Alto high school:

Pursue joy, not happiness

"Take my word for it, happiness is temporary and fleeting. Joy, by contrast, is unpredictable. It comes from pursuing interests and passions that do not obviously result in happiness."

If we pursued joy as an objective, it would be like going back to childhood. Enjoying that first visit to McDonald's, or excitedly opening that new toy. Joy would be the result of all those little random things we encounter every day and a lot of unexpected events that happen when we aren't aware.

Each person derives joy from an entirely different source. Me for instance, I remember peaks of joy when I was intensely into something, whether it was a computer game, or personal project, or being in love, or even just preoccupied with a major event happening in the present. That for me is pure joy and I'm still trying to figure out how to recreate it day by day. The trick is discovering what works for you.

This in a nutshell, is what I think happiness (joy) really is.

Next part, I'll comment on the flip side of happiness - depression, poor mental hygiene, and worry.

Singularity

"Sometime in the next few years or decades, humanity will become capable of surpassing the upper limit on intelligence that has held since the rise of the human species. We will become capable of technologically creating smarter-than-human intelligence, perhaps through enhancement of the human brain, direct links between computers and the brain, or Artificial Intelligence. This event is called the "Singularity" by analogy with the singularity at the center of a black hole - just as our current model of physics breaks down when it attempts to describe the center of a black hole, our model of the future breaks down once the future contains smarter-than-human minds. Since technology is the product of cognition, the Singularity is an effect that snowballs once it occurs - the first smart minds can create smarter minds, and smarter minds can produce still smarter minds."

—Singularity Institute for Artificial Intelligence


I'm not entirely convinced that this will happen. But if you're interested, check out The Great Singularity Debate.

Procrastination

Yes, I've been pretty lazy lately. Got several interesting article ideas, but I just lack the discipline to sit down and write the damn things. So I think this old song pretty sums up my thought processes this past week. Heck I think this explains what I've been going through the last few years. Endless procrastination, not getting any younger, waiting for things to change, yet not really doing anything about it. Things get more futile with each passing hour. And I keep telling myself over and over again, this is the day...


This is the Day
by The The

Well... you didn't wake up this morning,
Cause you didn't go to bed.
You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red!
The calendar on your wall -- IS TICKING -- the days off.
You've been reading some old letters.
You smile and think how much you've changed.
All the money in the world couldn't buy back those days.
You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes.

You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky.
THIS IS THE DAY -- Your life will surely change.
THIS IS THE DAY -- When things fall into place.

You could've done anything, if you'd wanted.
And all your friends and family think that you're lucky.
But the side of you they'll never see
Is when you're left alone with the memories
That hold your life together like -- GLUE
You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes.
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky.

THIS IS THE DAY -- Your life will surely change.
THIS IS THE DAY -- When things fall into place.
THIS IS THE DAY -- Your life will surely change.

Conflicts and Stages

"The psychologist Erik Erikson even proposes a theory of the psychological stages of development. A fundamental conflict characterizes each phase. When this conflict is correctly resolved, we move on to the next phase. If this conflict is not resolved, it may fester and even cause regression to an earlier period. Similarly, the psychologist Jean Piaget showed that early childhood mental development is also not a smooth process of learning, but is actually typified by abrupt stages in a child's ability to conceptualize. One month, a child may give up looking for a ball once it has rolled out of view, not understanding that an object exists even if you can no longer see it. The next month, this is obvious to the child.

This is the essence of dialectics. According to this philosophy, all objects (people, gases, the universe itself) go through a series of stages. Each stage is characterized by a conflict between two opposing forces. The nature of this conflict, in fact, determines the nature of the stage. When the conflict is resolved, the object goes to a higher stage, called the synthesis, where a new contradiction begins, and the process starts over again at a higher level."


- From 'Hyperspace' by Michio Kaku

Truth and Simplicity

Physicist Richard Feynman:

"You can recognize truth by its beauty and simplicity. When you get it right, it is obvious that it is right, at least if you have any experience, because usually what happens is that more comes out than goes in... The inexperienced, the crackpots, and people like that, make guesses that are simple, but you can immediately see that they are wrong, so that does not count. Others, the inexperienced students, make guesses that are very complicated, and it sort of looks as if it is all right, but I know it is not true because the truth always turns out to be simpler than you thought."