The Scariest Things

I've tried to explain to other people exactly what it is about weird movies and stories that scare me. It may be my overactive imagination, or how my brain tries to piece together unrelated bits and pieces of movie scenes, and works overtime to attempt to make sense of them.

This is what makes weird movies such as Mulholland Dr. particularly frightening. It's not what is readily visible that is scary but that which you don't understand and is beyond your conception. Fortunately, there are many other people who scare the same way as this IMDB thread explains.

It's gotten bad enough that I stopped watching weird movies complete this year. To avoid overstimulating the imagination.

Excerpts: (By the way, the last few paragraphs in the excerpts describes exactly what's so terrifying about the Dumpster Scene in Mulholland Dr.)

I agree that there is something "off" about her relationship with her grandparents. I believe they had high hopes for her as an actress. Which is evident from them being at the jitterbug contest when she won, smiling by her side. Also (in Diane's dream) they are there at the airport wishing her well.

I've always thought that too. I've heard the molestation theory, but I'm not sure I buy that. There's just no evidence of that in the movie that I've seen.

But definitely, I've always thought the way they wish her good luck in her movie career (and then evilly laugh afterwards) had to have some kind of significance.

Perhaps they were the ones that pushed her towards becoming an actress? Gave her the hope that she wouldn't have had otherwise, which ended up ruining her life in her eyes? Also, perhaps the laughing after she leaves them at the airport is an indication that she didn't really believe they thought she could make it as an actress, but still pushed her towards that goal.

And yes, the Rabbits segments are particularly disturbing. On the surface, I believe they represent Lynch's grotesque re-interpretation of the standard all-American sitcom, something along the lines of the "molestation" sitcom sequence between Juliette Lewis and Rodney Dangerfield in Natural Born Killers. And yet the Rabbits also seem to serve an important plot function within the film's universe -- they leave their room, are disturbed by a phone call from one of the film's characters, etc. And the segments are not merely a sitcom parody -- there is a kind of abstraction intrinsic in the Rabbits' dialogue that is, somehow, purely and rawly Lynchian. Intriguing, leading, tantalizing, always dropping hints that it is progressing to the answer to a mystery, but ultimately only folding back upon itself.

I don't think I've ever been more terrifed by anything in a film, or TV show than the Winkie's monster in Mulholland Dr.

That scene ressurrected a kind of irriational, visceral, and primal terror that I had long forgotten, and haven't felt since I was a child. It's the kind of fear that strikes you like an icy dagger, or an electric jolt in a nightmare. In fact, I could just go on, and on, about how utterly brilliant, how utterly genius that single scene is. It's a masterstroke of psychological terror, as if David Lynch is a mad scientist experimenting in a laboratory of human emotions (there's a lot of that exact kind of stuff in Eraserhead, too). The scene works like a scientific experimentation film designed to study the cause, and effects of fear in the human mind. It also works EXACTLY, EXACTLY ... like the way a nightmare goes. As if a nightmare is going on before your wide-awake eyes! You know what? It looks like I am going on, and on. Better stop. Sorry. I should save this for the actual movie's board.

But, I've never seen anything in Lynch's movies, horror movies, or ANYTHING that has ever aroused more of a fright in me. Nothing beats the Winkie's bum, or that scene in general.

The guys are talking in the restaurant. The fearful man sets up the scene with an utterly chilling description of his dream. The other guy convinces him to walk out to put his fears at rest, but you know — positively know — what's going to happen, and the anticipation terrifies you. Angelo Badalamenti's music builds, stoking the terror almost primally.

The nervous guy doesn't want to move forward any further … and neither do we. He doesn't want to move forward because he knows in his heart that the monster is there, too, yet he's impelled onward anyway (just like in a nightmare). Then when the horror fully manifests itself, when the man-thing steps out from behind the wall, you're right there with the doomed man: shuddering and petrified. Everything you feared is true.

Viscerals

One interesting section from Herb Cohen's 'You Can Negotiate Anything' book is the distinction between Idea Opponents and Visceral Opponents:

"An idea opponent is one who disagrees with you on a particular issue or alternative. The disparity of misunderstanding is theoretical.... A visceral opponent is an emotional adversary, who not only disagrees with your point of view, but disagrees with you as a human being. He may even attribute sinister or nefarious motives to the position you espouse."

Generally, I'm a big believer in making as many friends as possible. Not only do I owe a lot to my friends, but I just can't live without 'em. I tend to regard most of my opponents as 'idea opponents' - those who only disagree with me temporarily and that can be persuaded or brought back to the light side, with the right persistence. However I grudgingly have to admit that not all can be converted, there are a select few of those 'visceral opponents' who I just have to face the fact that I will never convert. It could have been due to a failure on my part, or a lack of sensitivity, but the viscerals remain nevertheless.

The important thing to learn is how to separate the idea opponents from the visceral opponents. Of course I'd rather not have any viscerals, but I'm guessing they are a mutant by-product of forming much of my close and loyal relationships which I can't live without anyway. Who are the viscerals in your life?

Steps

Some of my favorite thoughts and ideas revolve around the concept of steps. There are a certain number of steps that need to be taken to accomplish a given task. At times I try to identify and organize these steps. It helps me think more clearly and give me some direction. Below are several steps-related concepts I've compiled throughout the years.


"Little steps leading to bigger steps"

I attribute this quote from the movie 'Contact', though I'm sure the exact line of dialogue is different from the quote. Nevertheless it's a fascinating idea. In the movie, the alien tells Jodie Foster that it will take time before mankind will learn about the true nature of the universe and get in contact with other intelligent life. It takes little steps leading to bigger steps. One small step at a time to achieve great things. I remind myself of this phrase when I get impatient and want big things right away. It takes a lot of little steps.


"One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

These were the words that Neil Armstrong intended to say after stepping on the moon. Unfortunately, either he forgot to say the word "a" from "a man", or the syllable got lost in transmission. So history books will record it as "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" which doesn't make sense. The original unsaid quote has much more meaning. The idea is to take one major step that causes a direction change and leads to dramatic results. For instance, making the decision to read a page of a book that will change your life. Or having the courage to leave a bad relationship. Only one small step for a man.


"One step back, two steps forward"

I identified this trick only recently, though I've been unknowingly following this pattern for years. What usually happens is I encounter a major setback or failure, it could be an illness, or losing a big game, or a heartbreak, or a financial loss. It is painful at first, it feels like all your progress has halted and that you're falling backwards. But failure has interesting side effect. It makes the brain more receptive to making radical changes, your mind becomes a sponge soaking in new ideas. Generally, the more sick and tired you are, the more tired you are of being sick and tired.

What happens is you have a tendency to overcompensate for the failure and this leads to great benefits. Like the amateur boxer who loses his first match which causes him to train harder and have a killer instinct, and this makes him a champion. Without the original loss, there is no motivation to make changes to become a better fighter. The pattern is failure, then learn, then overcompensate.

Dangerous People

The most kind, well-meaning people are also the most dangerous. A couple of years ago, I was trying to establish a healthy diet by religiously eating at least five helpings of fruits and veggies a day. Every morning at work, I would eat an apple or banana. My officemates on the other hand, would pass around a pack of artery-clogging chicharon (pork rinds). It took some discipline for me to say no thank you, every time I was offered some pork rinds. Yes it tasted good, but my current obsession at the time was following my health regimen, so actually it was quite easy to say no.

Though I did get the occasional praise for sticking to my diet (I was getting tired of hearing the line “an apple a day”), to my surprise, I also heard comments like “Come on man, have some chicharon, it can’t hurt you.” And more surprising, “That apple can’t be good for your digestive system in the morning.” Then they proceeded to explain to me how fruits are bad for the stomach when eaten early in the morning. What a bizarre world I thought, where pork rinds were good for you, and fruits were not. And those who gave the strange advice were entirely thoughtful and well-meaning.

Fortunately, I did my homework and researched how certain foods were good for you, and how some are certainly not good for you. Without this knowledge, I would have been easily influenced by the pork rind crowd. My point is that sometimes the conventional wisdom isn’t that conventional. The most dangerous people are those influential, kind and well-meaning folks that you want to believe in. And this very nature makes them more dangerous than wild animals. It helps to be aware of them.

Here’s a list of the most dangerous people out there. You don’t necessarily have to avoid them. Just be aware that they exist and handle them with kid gloves.

Experts

These are people who appear to have got it made. They may have money, power, influence. Or they may act very knowledgeable on certain subjects. I bet a lot of them actually think they are knowledgeable - experts in their fields. The danger is when they give ‘helpful advice’ that you believe and act upon. Whenever I talk to a self-acknowledged expert, I listen to what he says, but I always do my own research to verify if his ideas are sound. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Don’t rely on only one source of information. Don’t read only one book on the subject. Read and listen to a variety of experts, then make your own decision.

Peer Pressurists

There’s a class of individuals whom I term peer pressurists, meaning those who always go along with the crowd and the new ‘in thing’. There’s something about human nature that makes us want to conform. Sometimes we’ll be perfectly happy doing something different, something that goes against the norms of society. We may even be deriving some personal happiness and success in it. Yet, there’s always that man or woman who reminds us that “Hey, everyone else is doing this, shouldn’t you too?” These are well-meaning people that tell you that everyone should be working in an office, have life insurance, and married with kids by age 30. If not, there could be something wrong with you.

My favorite pet peeve are the people who like to impose their brand of music or pop culture on you. Everyone has to like what everyone else likes, listen to what everybody else listens to, and dress in the current style. When this occurs, you either have to call their bullshit or pretend that you’re going along with it, and just go ahead and do your own thing.

Neutral People

Dante sums this up pretty well: “The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of greatest moral crises maintain their neutrality.” Some of the most dangerous people out there are steadfast in staying neutral, not taking sides no matter what. These are going to be the first people to backstab you when times get tough. You need to handle them at arms length or avoid them entirely.

I’ve had many experiences where the conflict of the situation dictates that one side is right, and the other wrong. For instance, at work sometimes you need to make difficult decisions that will greatly affect the course of the future. Which architecture should we go with? Which person do we want to implement this feature? There are risks with making hard decisions. The good ones work hard to decide what is best, make up their minds, and choose a course of action. The lousy ones always stay neutral, never taking a stand. These are the people who, in times of your greatest need, when you ask them for help, they still stay neutral. Very dangerous if you ask me.

Energy Drainers

Have you ever worked or talked to someone for a prolonged period, and just felt so weary and tired after the session? I always wondered why certain people make me feel better after talking to them, while others make me feel worse. It’s as if they are harbingers of negative energy, sucking the life out of the unlucky people they come across.

I am actually sympathetic to energy drainers who feel their life is hopeless and prefer drowning in misery rather than making the difficult choices to escape the negative state. I want to help them feel better, solve their problems, but oftentimes it takes its toll, and I get drawn into the same energy draining state. I once had an energy draining friend tell me, “I can do all the things you tell me to get out of my situation, but it’s too much work.” The dangerous thing is that the negative energy becomes contagious and can drag you down if you’re not careful. If you know a way to reverse the energy drain process, I’d be interested to know.

Competitive People

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes competition is good. When they inspire you to accomplish more and improve yourself. What I find dangerous are people who like to compete merely to one-up you. These are people who will sing your praises, act like they love you, but will also be the first to cheer when you suffer defeat. One skill is distinguishing between good and bad competition, as well as good and bad competitors. For instance, I always get a bit uncomfortable when someone knows too much about my past successes and failures, when they are keeping tabs too closely. Sometimes I do experiments to check whether they are self-motivated, or if they are merely motivated by keeping up with their peers. For instance, I ‘accidentally’ reveal personal weaknesses for them to discover and take advantage of. Or I would throw them off course by blurting out my plans for the future, and see if it affects what they do. The best thing of course would be to just ignore the whole thing, focus on achieving something that matters most to you, and minimizing the effects of dangerous competitors.

Guilt Trippers

I find this to be the most difficult dangerous people trait to detect. Guilt Trippers knowingly or unknowingly prey on your emotions. They will harness the power of guilt to get you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. For instance, those with spurned relationships will use guilt to get back together: “He hasn’t been eating and sleeping ever since you left him.” Or kids use this against their parents “Because you didn’t buy me those new Nikes our team lost the basketball game” When this happens, you need to be aware that this is some sort of passive-aggressive behavior intended to manipulate you into doing something that is against your own self-interest.

It is tricky to deal with because if you don’t appear sympathetic, you will be labeled as the cold, unfeeling, bad guy. But there are times where for your own good, and for the good of the guilt tripper, you just have to be the bad guy and call guilt for what it is – the most useless emotion.

Authority Figures

I believe the people who do the most damage are the authority figures that we are conditioned to follow and believe in. For example, my parents are very well-meaning and have taught me a lot of good things. But they have also taught me a lot of wrong things, things I accepted as solid truth when I was a kid, only to realize later that they were not either obsolete or just wrong.

A lot of people listen and follow their parish priests, teachers, bosses, CEOs, Donald Trump, The Dalai Lama, etc. We respect them and don’t believe they could ever make a mistake since they are a bastion of wisdom. Let me break your bubble. Many times they are wrong. Or they could be right for the majority of the population, but not right for you. The most dangerous thing is blindly accepting these authority figures. Being too lazy to verify and do your own research.

Now for some good news. There’s a wealth of information out there that you can use to your advantage – the internet, books, radio. They are your defense so you don’t get misled by these dangerous people. By becoming more aware, and becoming more knowledgeable, you can more easily tune out the bad stuff, and tune in to the good stuff.

Effective Starbucks 101

Billy Joel once wrote "I don't want clever conversation. I never want to work that hard. I just want someone that I can talk to. I want you just the way you are." That sums up in a nutshell what I like the most about a quiet starbucks session with friends and other interesting people.

You can choose to talk over dinner, but the food and eating gets in the way. You can go out for a movie, but while it's playing there's nothing else to do but sit and watch. Sitting in a quiet coffee shop will always be the best place to really listen and talk to someone. The place is relatively free of distractions. The coffee has to cool, there's no rush, no time limit (other than closing time), and the conversation takes place front and center.

I'd like to share with you some of my tips for an effective and memorable starbucks session.

1. Have the right cast of characters

My ideal group is four people. And these four would fit in one of the following roles: One alpha person who usually has strong opinions and dominates the conversation, one contra individual who usually has a different take on the world and thinks much differently than anyone else, one quiet guy who usually agrees with everyone and laughs when prompted to, and a moderator or narrator who usually frames the conversation and keeps things in order. I choose four people because that fits nicely in a small table, and it is large enough to have all the pieces. Of course, you could have fewer or more, as long as you have the right balance of strong/contra/frodo/groupie.

Depending on the group I'm with in a starbucks session, I usually assume the role of whatever is lacking. For instance, if it is already clear who the alpha person is, but no contra person steps up, then I will assume the contra role. Most often I find myself as the moderator character, and it is also the role I am most comfortable in. I love radio and tv talk shows and I always observe how the host or interview strives to get the most interesting reactions and answers from his guests. My goal is to derive the maximum entertainment value with a given group.

The contra guy will debate the alpha person. The moderator keeps things in order and moves the discussion to more interesting topics when necessary. The quiet guy is the laugh track, the audience, this is the person that the alpha and contra are trying to convince that they are right.

2. Select a small table.

Frequently I'll go to starbucks with a group of friends, and they will immediately go for the 'couch area' because it has the most comfortable seats. This is the section I hate the most and I find it least conducive to conversation. Why? Because you are seated too far away from everyone else. You have to raise your voice to be heard. The sofa is relaxing so you just want to lay down and relax, sip your frappucino and not talk. Avoid the couch at all costs.

My preferred area is a small table, one that can barely fit four small plates. I want to see the faces of the people I'm with. See their reactions close up. Plus, you don't have to strain to hear them when they make an important relevation that they are in tears when they say it.

3. Buy appropriate refreshments.

Most people complain about the prohibitive cost of starbucks. Yes it is kind of pricey. That's why I only get the regular coffee. Almost everyone I know will automatically get the iced frappucino or hot mocha super drink that costs twice or even three times as much. By settling for a plain coffee, I don't get distracted by the super drink, and I get to save my cash. Well actually I don't because I end up splurging on starbucks food such as waffles, cookies, and other coffee-related accessories.

The other advantage with a hot coffee is that it takes time to cool down before drinking. With an iced frappucino, you can drink it right away and it distracts you. A coffee teaches me to be patient, pay attention to what the other person is saying.

4. Play devil's advocate or play dumb.

Most of my friends know my tendency to play devil's advocate just to keep a conversation more 'interesting'. A group that agrees with each other tends to get bored and adjourn quickly. So when someone makes an interesting point, you usually have to ask her 'why'. Or 'What makes you say that? Why do you think Yoga is the path to true enlightenment?'

You can also play the part of the jerk, the belligerent guy who is extremely ignorant and wrong, that you have to set straight. There are times when you have to play the villain, then in a sudden twist just as everyone is finishing their coffee, you see the 'light', and the good guys win again! Everyone goes home happy.

Another technique is to play dumb. "Who is this Avril Lavigne you speak of? What makes her music so great?" You actually do this when you want others in the table to know more about what this guy is explaining. It is done to emphasize a point and you play the student who asks the dumb questions that everyone is afraid to ask.

A warning though, before you try any of these techniques, make sure you know the people you're with first. I tried some of them with some new people who don't know me as well, and I bet they think I'm either a dumb duck or a true devil.

5. Do unexpected reactions

One way to keep things lively and interesting is to show an entirely unexpected reaction. For instance, one person may be telling her life story to you, so you just nod your head. But when she comes to an important part, you do an unexpected reaction like pounding the table, or exclaiming "whoa". Something that will get their attention. It keeps things less boring and encourages them to tell more of the story. The objective is to get as much story as possible, together with all the little details and nuances that makes stories great.

6. Have a reserve set of topics

Initially, people you don't know as well will not open up (there are also those who will never open up no matter what, you should eliminate them from your starbucks group). My technique for encouraging people to share their deepest stories and darkest opinions, is to start with some light but fun topics.

I like doing the 'top 5' bit. Ask people what their top 5 restaurants of all time are, or what their most favorite age was, something that gets them thinking. I remember a scene in the movie Turbulence where the bad guy, Ray Liotta would ask the hapless flight attendance "What's your favorite movie?" which I find very funny because I can imagine myself like a desperate Ray Liotta doing corny surveys just to get people talking.

I'll also do riskier topics which is sure to get a heated debate. Most people avoid discussing these but I love 'em because everyone gets so emotional talking about them. These topics are - religion, politics, sexual and physical preferences, money, and health. My favorite line of all time is a simple one: "Are ye happy, son (or daughter)?" and you have to ask this with a straight face. Watch closely their reaction and what they say, because it reveals a lot.

7. Listen closely

The rule is simple: Talk only when you need to keep things moving. When things are going smoothly and conversation is plentiful, just keep quiet and listen. You are there to learn about what makes other people function, what their deepest desires and frustrations are. And the only way you will find out is by listening intently.

This means you have to ignore your cellphone, put down the newspaper, stop looking around at the other coffee shop customers and put your full focus on the table group that is in front of you. You'll find it's the best experience anyone can ever have.

Coffee anyone?

Rules of Nostalgia

The following are the rules governing all feelings of nostalgia:


1. The good parts are remembered, the bad parts are overlooked

I tend to look back fondly on the "good ol' days". My brain is wired to remember vividly all the good things, while at the same time glossing over the bad things. I'll remember the time our team actually won a basketball game, or spending an overnight Christmas party with the rest of the guys at Roehl's house. But I'll conveniently forget the numerous times I crammed for a test on a course I didn't care for. Or how I had to get up at 6am to be able to catch a bus to school.

We also hear people say things like "It was much safer back then", or "people were much more polite in the old days". But it's strange that the good ol' days of the past included a great depression, two world wars, several region conflicts, and increasing prospects for nuclear holocaust. I'd say things are actually much better now than before.


2. The 'Greatest Hits' Illusion

My mother would often say to me that the sixties was the greatest era for music. And that much of music nowadays consists of noise. Which is funny because I say the same thing, except for me the best musical era was the eighties. Why do the old songs always sound better than the new ones you hear on radio? It's because of what I call the 'greatest hits' illusion. Only the best songs from the past survive and live on up to the present time. The oldies that are still being played today are the cream of the crop, the absolute studs of their time. No wonder they sound so good. And when you compare it to the present crop of songs, many of them not good enough to be remembered several years from now, the oldies will always win out. It's not even a fair competition - the best of the past versus a bunch of average present day songs.


3. Some eras are better than others

This is a corollary to the previous rule. When I said that the oldies always win out, this is not entirely accurate. Because some eras are better than others. For instance, the sixties was a truly golden age of music. You had many all-time greats such as The Beatles, Elvis, The Beach Boys, Herman's Hermits, etc. By contrast, the seventies, in final analysis, wasn't really that great. Sure it had a lot of great bands, but all of them paled when compared to the sixties jocks.

Similarly, the eighties was another golden era, it was like a musical reawakening, with the audio merging with video, giving artists greater recognition. The nineties was slow in terms of music, but great for the digital information age (after all, this was when the internet first clicked). The challenge is trying to find what the strengths of the current era you are in now and savor it while it is there.


4. 'Things' are colored by memorable events

An inanimate object from the past has special meaning when combined with the memory of a past event. For instance, I look back fondly on the first CAKE CD I ever bought. It was back in 1996, I had to order it from a specialty music store, wait several months for them to get it from the US, then check back to the store to claim the CD (paying a hefty price tag too). The experience is memorable to me as it represents a musical reawakening. And that makes the CD object much more valuable than what it is worth today.

I also remember the last time Roehl, Crab and I visited our college. It was so different, yet the same. The value of visiting the old buildings, eating at the old cafeteria was much more exhilerating as it brought back memories of old events. In this way, nostalgia becomes more solid, concrete in the minds of the person experiencing it.


5. Sometimes you know the present time will be a future nostalgic memory.

This is a bit odd and I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has realized this. There were actually times when I was experiencing something currently happening, and somehow knew that this would be a magical event that I would look back on in the future.

One example, during 1999, this was the time Max, myself and several other guys (we had the regular cast, and a revolving set of 'guests') would go out after work, usually on a Friday, and just have a great time. It was a very intense period as the company we worked for was going through a very turbulent upheaval, lots of office politics, infighting, and emotions, which was in a sense, thrilling. Jeth had a not-so-secret crush on a female co-worker, and I guess I was also in love, er infatuated with someone at the time, which only added to the excitement. I remember thinking to myself as these events were happening that this was truly a magical time that we were all going through. And that we would look back on this with a certain fondness a couple of years from now.

I was right of course. I still consider it one of my high points (Max would argue otherwise as he said he was bored during that time, hehehe). It was the first time I was self-aware of a nostalgic event that was happening in the present. It would be fantastic if I identified this current time, circa 2006, as a potential future nostalgic time I will look back on.


6. Nostalgia periodically reinvents itself

Ever hear a good song on the radio that you thought was new, then finding out it was actually a remake of an older classic? My theory is that the present and future is ripe for repackaging the old stuff and selling it to unsuspecting younger generations who have never heard it before. Kids today probably don't know who Herman's Hermits are, or are only vaguely aware of the Dave Clark 5.

It's the same with nostalgia. You try to remember your thoughts and emotions a decade ago and try to recapture that same feeling in the present. You might be surprised with how much of the old stuff actually relates to the current time. For instance, it's the year 2006 now, but oddly I find many similiarites between this year, and ten years ago dating back to 1996. It's like reliving the nostalgia, only with different people and circumstances, plus being older and wiser by ten years helps me not to make the same mistakes as I did back then. And try to relax and enjoy it more than I did when I was younger.


7. There will nostalgia killjoys

I always run into people who actually don't have much nostalgia for the past. Perhaps they have had past experiences they would like to forget. Or they didn't like themselves back then, and try to bury that part of their life. It's those type of people who back in the nineties would say "Come on, get with the nineties!" (not sure how they would say it now, maybe "Come on, get with the new millenium" or something like that). There are also the soulless zombie types who don't seem to have any memories, they just go through life doing what they are told, without any concept of where they came from, or what they are doing now.

I try to ignore these nostalgia killjoys, because I find them depressing and it saps me of my energy. Don't be ashamed about having fond memories of the past. Because they were a crucial part of what you are today.


Now you know the rules of nostalgia. I could probably add a few more, which I might do in a future post.

Happiness 101: Artificial Happiness

I recently watched a fascinating talk on TV given by Ronald Dworkin, author of the book 'Artificial Happiness'. In this talk, he describes how in today's society, true happiness is gradually being replaced by artificial forms of happiness.

In the olden days, as in pre-1910, doctors were closer to their patients. The primary practitioners of that era needed to be a master of all medical trades, they listened to their patient's personal problems, and frequently helped them both by prescribing medical cures and helping them feel better by listening and talking to them directly. Then this century a shift occured. Primary practitioners became more specialized, becoming less doctor and more engineer. The doctor - patient relationship became more cold, unfeeling. Then something unfortunate happened, 'unhappiness' got diagnosed as a disease that was cured just like any other illness. Doctors started prescribing anti-depressants, prozac, zoloft, to their patients at the slightest hint of unhappiness. Each patient wanted to be "happy", and here was the cure in pill form. Take a pill or drug, and feel happier with ease.

However, there was a big problem with this artificial happiness mentality. He gave an example of a woman in a bad relationship. Although she was unhappy in the relationship (she wanted to get married to her boyfriend, but he didn't seem to be the marrying kind), she nursed the feeling with prozac, and immediately felt better. So she continued the relationship for more than a year, although it felt like a dead-end. But she felt fine because of prozac. After a prolonged period of artificial happiness, she finally felt she could no longer go on with the relationship and broke it off. Had she not nursed her unhappiness in the first place, she probably would have ended it right away, but with the influence of antidepressants, she managed to waste a year of her life in a dead end relationship.

The author also goes on to describe how medicating unhappiness through obsessive fitness and exercise, as well as medicating it through fanatical adherence to organized religion is counterproductive as well. We want to believe that the roots of our depression can be cured by joining this religion, or going on a dedicated fitness program, when it actually only masks the problem. I know people who have gone on fitness binges, or turned to born-again Christianity as a result of a fairly traumatic experience. While this cures the problem temporarily, its long term effect is that you never achieve true happiness, instead always relying on quick fixes. Worse, you never address the roots of the unhappiness in the first place.

Same goes for people who resort to drinking, or other escapes from their current state. They go on shopping binges, or resort to other addictions or keep themselves busy to try to escape how they are really feeling deep inside. We feel guilty and worried when we are not happy and want a cure, right at this moment, because it's not normal.

The lesson of this is that depression and unhappiness has a purpose. It pushes us towards addressing the roots of this unhappiness by making changes and adjustments in our lives. By not resorting to quick fixes such as antidepressants, organized religion, or obsessive exercise, we learn to face the root of our problems head on. This can be a powerful force in changing our lives for the better.

It is important to be honest with ourselves and face the true reasons for how we feel. If I am unhappy with my relationship or marriage, perhaps the best cure is to end it. If I am unhappy with my job, no quick fix will be better than getting a new job I will be happier with. If I am depressed because of my weight, or because of how I feel when I get up in the morning, by all means, the best way to remove that feeling is to do something about it. We no longer resort to artificial forms of happiness but instead go for the real thing.

A side note - this is not to belittle the impact of true depression, the clinical kind. Of course this must be treated with medication as the results are more serious. But for most kinds of unhappiness, those nagging feelings we get every day, it is always better to seek the real cure and avoid quick fixes.

From my personal experience, those times when I was most unhappy, or most depressed turned out to be great turning points as it forced me to be honest with myself, and propelled me to do things I would never have done had I always been happy and content. Depression and happiness are powerful forces of change that force us to get our act together and make great strides towards good. I'm thankful that I was depressed because if I weren't, then maybe today I wouldn't be as happy.